


this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

by dialecstatic



Series: whatever a sun will always sing is you [11]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bonding, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Ensemble Cast, Families of Choice, Friendship, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Introspection, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Other, POV Alternating, Pride, Recreational Drug Use, Trans Character, all three very brief, death mention, injury mention, lots and lots of characters, pregnancy mention, there's a bit of angst in the narration but it's not the main theme dw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-23 17:30:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14938730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dialecstatic/pseuds/dialecstatic
Summary: together, they're home.(or, the gang goes to pride.)





	this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

**Author's Note:**

> title from "i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)" by e.e. cummings

Ten wakes up that morning with a flash of energy coursing through his veins and blocking out his vision for a moment as he opens his eyes.

 

This is his favorite day of the year, after all.

 

Throughout his life, he’d only been certain of a few things. One, he wants to leave a mark on the world. Two, he is a man. Three, he has to fight, relentlessly, to be recognized as such.

 

As time goes on, he thinks, things should have gotten easier. The testosterone injections he started getting at nineteen, barely visible marks on his skin, the binders, the almost uncanny confidence he tries to give himself to get people to call him by his name, all of those things should have made people realize by now, that he isn’t going anywhere but right where he is, free and proud as can be. But the truth of the matter is much, much more complicated.

 

So on days like these, Ten resolves to take life on with both hands even more than usual. Rallies and protests feel like his natural element, a booming crowd where he can thrive and fight for himself and countless others. And today is the biggest of the year.

 

He stirs awake, stretching his arms over his head and nearly elbowing Johnny on the head in the process - he really needs to save up for a bigger bed, though he has no clue where he’d put it. The other man groans where his face is half-buried in a pillow and tries to grab onto any minute of sleep that he can, making a garbled sound in the back of his throat when Ten pokes at his neck.

 

“Wake up, come on.”

 

Johnny hugs the blanket to his chest, tries to move away from the intruding hands. “M’sleeping.”

 

“Not today!” Ten pulls the cover away, struggling a little before managing to come up with all of it. He’ll be damned if he lets Johnny sleep in when there’s pavement to be beaten.

 

Any other day, Ten would enjoy the prolonged snuggling, safe in the cocoon of warmth Johnny always provides. He likes having his own space for many reasons, that one being very near the top of the list, but today he doesn’t plan to stay confined between these walls.

 

It takes a few more minutes of coaxing and kisses to get Johnny out of bed and rubbing the sleep from his eyes with one hand as he rummages through his bad with the other. Clothes are retrieved with a yawn, but he still pulls his t-shirt over his head, scrambles for the button up he used as a jacket the day prior.

 

“We’ll get you coffee. Maybe two.” Ten jokes from the dresser, but he can’t hide -doesn’t want to hide- the fondness in his voice. There’s always something about seeing this side of Johnny, the soft edges, that makes him remember the first time he realized he was in love. As time passes, he only sinks deeper into the feeling.

 

From where he’s sitting the floor, digging in the bottom drawer for a belt he _knows_ is there, Ten can see Johnny’s brows furrowing as he pulls his jeans on, sitting back on the bed with a sigh.

 

“What’s up my love.”

 

“Just promise me you won’t get into any fights.” Johnny pleads, and the way his hair falls in front of his eyes makes him look so delicate that Ten thinks he could cry.

 

“Asking me this today, of all days…

 

Johnny screws his eyes shut and Ten goes quiet, pushing himself up off the floor and dropping on the edge of the bed, a hand on Johnny’s knee. “Sorry. You know I can’t promise that. I… I can’t promise anything.”

 

This particular recurring theme in their relationship is the one thing Ten wishes he could change about Johnny. He’s grateful, most of the time, for his boyfriend’s concern, the way he looks out for Ten and makes sure everything is okay in the end, the fact that no matter what, Johnny is always there to catch him when he gets into these situations. But as much as he wishes he could become the ideal that Johnny holds in his mind, Ten knows he can’t compromise, no matter how much he wants to try sometimes. There have been too many instances where he tried to stay quiet at first, to keep walking with his head down, but the feeling of guilt and humiliation creeping in his gut had always made him turn around and take a shot.

 

 _"I'd rather die a free man than live in silence."_ he’d said to Johnny one day in the emergency room, freshly applied stitches pressing up against his brow bone, and Johnny had simply wound his arm tighter around Ten’s shoulders as they walked out, bruised but whole.

 

He supposes he understands Johnny’s fears. They’re probably the same that take hold of him when Yuta goes haywire in these confrontations, the flashing feeling of dread that winds through your body to settle in your throat and cut off your breathing. Ten remembers Johnny sitting at his side one night, voice breaking as he read a string of numbers aloud, names lost in the fray, not here to speak for themselves anymore. Statistics of how dangerous simply living can be, of how fighting back can cost them so much more than a few drops of blood and an inch of split skin. He can’t bring himself to count the number of candlelit vigils he’s attended, powerless to do anything but pray.

 

As days and fights pass, and himself and Yuta always make it out alive, Ten wishes he could reassure Johnny, once and for all or even just for a day, that it’ll never change.

 

The problem is, he still hasn’t quite managed to convince himself.

 

“I’ll do my best.” he murmurs, moving to press himself against Johnny, winding a hand in his. “Let’s have fun, okay?”

 

Johnny screws up his face into a smile, and Ten wants to kiss every line of it. He’s still not sure how he chanced upon a man like that, who puts up with his every whim but never lets him get away with them, always keeps him on his toes.

 

“We will.” Johnny says, and then he presses a kiss to Ten’s forehead, soft and sweet. “Plus, we can’t be sulking in here when we have to pick Mark up, or that’s another thing he won’t let us forget.”

 

Ten throws his head back and rolls his eyes, tries to suppress a laugh as he grabs his bag. “You forget to pick your son up for Pride _one time_ …”

 

Johnny chases him out the door, and doesn’t let go of his hand all the way to Mark’s dorm.

 

___

 

The sun filters through the bus windows, heating up Taeyong’s skin where they’re pressed up against the glass.

 

Pride has always been a concept they grapple with as they go through life. They see the looks on people’s faces when they meet sometimes, or even walking through the street, unkind eyes trying to figure them out when still don’t have a solid idea themself. This year, they swear to themself, it’ll be different. They smile when they spot Taeil, Yuta and Sicheng waiting as the bus pulls up to the next stop, taking their bag off the seat they’d been saving for Taeil, fully aware that Yuta and Sicheng will want to sit together.

 

The three of them bolt to the end of the carriage where they’re sitting, Taeil planting a kiss on their cheek as they sit down, smoothing the soft, worn denim of their skirt over their thighs while Yuta turns around, hanging over the back of her seat.

 

“What’s the mood today, Yongie?” she inquires, reaching out for a fistbump.

 

Taeyong leans back in their own seat, flashes Yuta their best smile. “Good.”

 

Even if it isn’t, they’ll make it so.

 

“We picking up anyone else on the way?” Sicheng chimes in, trying to check their makeup in the window before giving up and rummaging through their backpack for a hand mirror.

 

“Don’t think we are,” Yuta slumps back in her seat, “Kun’s coming with her kids, right?”

 

Taeyong doesn’t miss the way Taeil perks up at the mention of Kun’s name. Their relationship had seen a slow, steady development that they’d all enjoyed watching over the recent weeks, timid hands grasping for each other and comfort found where they didn’t expect, and Taeyong can’t help but nudge Taeil a little to tease them.

 

They’re also excited to see the group of kids that had mended their heart again, outside in the world with so much for all of them to discover. They’d woken up in the morning feeling lighter than air, the thought of being able to guide the kids in turn making them happier than they’d been in a long time.

 

“Yeah, we’re meeting everyone at the starting point.” Taeil replies, linking their arm with Taeyong’s to stop them from teasing.

 

Yuta stretches her arms over her head, leans her head on Sicheng’s shoulder when they come down. The low rumble of the bus’ motor feels safe, somehow, and Taeyong looks out the window again, at the expanding city scape.

 

The sun is already high in the sky, lighting the way.

 

___

 

When the idea of going to Pride had first been brought up, Renjun slapping a flyer on the table two weeks prior during game day, Kun had been reluctant at first. She knew she should have predicted, with the dream board projects and the way she’d introduced her friends into the fray, that the kids would be interested in attending, their souls bubbling on the edge of adulthood and yearning to experience what many describe as a rite of passage. Part of her immediately wanted to bring them, too, to introduce them to the wonders and beauty of the community outside the four walls of the center, let them meet the people they might become as they grow up and grow wiser.

 

And yet, she was reluctant because she’d seen, over her years of attending, the hostility from outside, the hatred still thrown at them even on that day that was supposed to be theirs alone, and the idea of exposing the kids to it made her stomach churn in the worst way. Parents had to be convinced first, of course, but Kun knew it was herself that would need the most convincing of all.

 

“You can’t protect them from it forever.” Yixing had said when she brought it up, practical and straightforward as ever, and Kun still reels at the fact that he’s right.

 

There are still so many beautiful things for them to discover, though, that the decision was quickly made.

 

That’s how Kun and Yixing find themselves exercising guardianship on a Sunday afternoon, trying as they might to channel the unabashed enthusiasm of six teenagers about to take on the world.

  


“Are you sure we shouldn’t have met up where the parade is starting?” Kun asks, checking her phone for the fourth time in five minutes, tapping her foot at where Yixing is sitting on the steps of the youth center, visibly trying not to laugh at her.

 

“Yes, Kun, I’m sure. The kids know their way here, they won’t be late, and neither will we be when we have to go to the meeting point.” He sits back, supporting himself on his elbows and pointing at something behind Kun. “Speak of the devil.”

 

Kun spins on her heels right on time to see Haechan emerging from a sidestreet, unmissable in bright orange overall shorts, waving at the two of them from across the pedestrian crossing.

 

“Are you this nervous because of you know who?” Yixing teases as he stands up, brushing down the front of his jeans.

 

Kun tries her best to roll her eyes at him, unnerved by how easy she is to figure out. “I should never have told you!”

 

“Hey, don’t take your stress out on me, woman. I thought things were going well anyway?”

 

They are. Ever since that night in the dingy ramen shop, her budding relationship with Taeil had brought Kun so much joy in such a short time that she had no idea what to do with it. And that was exactly the issue: she feels like she’s walking on clouds, and is absolutely, utterly terrified of the potential comedown.

 

In a way, she knows she’s doing the one thing that she promised herself not to do, overthinking a relationship that doesn’t even have a label yet, stressing herself out over the tiniest thing, hands restless at her side when they walk together on the street. But she finds reassurance in the way Taeil fits at her side when they’re sitting together, the way they absentmindedly brush Kun’s hair out of her face like it’s already natural for them to do it, in the kisses Taeil leaves on her cheek when they go to their respective classes in the morning.

 

Sometimes even, for her own amusement, she finds it in the way Sehun’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull when she wears a low cut shirt, hickies from the night before on full display (she’d never thought Taeil would be the type to leave marks, with the carefree way they approach nearly everything, but she isn’t going to complain about being touched so brazenly).

 

For now, it’s only a matter of overcoming her own demons.

 

She braces an arm on Yixing’s shoulder, takes a deep breath to face the day.

 

“Yeah. They’re almost going too well, you know I’m not used to that.”

 

Yixing sighs next to her, shifts so he can hug Kun to his side with one arm. “Well you better try to get used to it. You deserve this, Kun.”

 

Kun knows, deep down, even as she tries to stay humble, that she does.

 

A few seconds later, Haechan’s typical sing-song greeting rings through the air, signaling the start of the day in earnest.

 

“Dressed to impress, are we?” Kun says, and she can’t help the way her heart jumps a little when Haechan smiles. She is so, so proud of this kid.

 

They don’t need a cue to give a little twirl, smiling so big when Yixing gives them a round of applause that Kun barely notices when the others start arriving, Jisung and Chenle skipping arm in arm from the other end of the street, Jeno running as they try to dodge Jaemin and Renjun’s attempts to take their beanie off of their head.

 

“Aren’t you boiling under there?” Jaemin quips, immediately followed by Renjun yelling, “They’re hiding something!” and lurching forward in a last ditch attempt.

 

“What’s going on here?” Yixing crosses his arms and puffs out his chest, barely attempting to disguise his laughter.

 

Jaemin catches his breath, glaring at Jeno. “The beanie! Something’s up!”

 

All eyes turn to Jeno, who fiddles with the hem of their blouse, looking around for an exit. When they find none, they sigh and smile, a hand reaching up to tug the beanie off their head and tuck it into their bag. Strands of white-blonde hair fall in cascades around their face and in front of their eyes, and Jeno runs a hand through them to keep them out, a bashful expression taking over them.

 

“Holy sh-”

 

“Renjun, language.” Yixing says in a flat tone, eyes going wide.

 

Jeno grins, attempts to hide their blush behind their hands. “It was a little hard to convince my parents but… I really like it.”

 

It doesn’t look to Kun like the others are are going to pick their jaws up off the pavement any time soon, Haechan covering their mouth with their hands, surprisingly silent for the longest time Kun can remember, so she steps in, squeezes Jeno’s shoulder.

 

“You look amazing. Let’s go show you off.”

 

The cheers that follow fill up Kun’s heart, and make the decision a little easier to bear.

 

___

 

“Finally!”

 

Doyoung brings a hand over their eyes to block out the sun, making out their friend’s shape against the city backdrop as he calls for them. Jungwoo watches in awe next to them, spinning around on himself to try and take in the whirlwind of people and colors, excitedly latching onto Yukhei’s arm to point everything out to him. Even as the years go, Doyoung finds a certain joy in the fact that neither they nor their friends ever truly get used to feeling at home like this.

 

“Took you long enough,” Ten says as they get closer, bolting off of where he’s sitting in Johnny’s lap on the curb, waiting for the march to officially start.

 

They ignores the quip and call for Johnny over Ten’s shoulder, ignoring the smaller man’s undignified sounds and Mark’s barking laughter at the scene. “Do you know where the others are?”

 

“Tae texted Ten like three minutes ago to say their bus just got here, and Kun is,” Johnny points a finger out at the crowd, exclaiming when he finds what he’s looking for. “Right over there. Kids are with her too.”

 

Doyoung follows Johnny’s point to where he spots Kun - and the very hurried man from the other day - deep in conversation with a pair of women and a tall, lanky boy. Right next to them, they find who they were looking for.

 

Though, not in the way they expected.

 

They find Jaehyun where he’s now sitting with Mark on the curb, deep in discussion already even though they both know they’ll have to start moving soon, and motion that they’ll be back in a minute.

 

“Take care! This is lesbian territory you’re going in!” Ten shouts after them.

 

“Thank god! Maybe I’ll finally have some peace and quiet.” Doyoung fires back, catching Ten sticking his tongue out at them before they turn away to walk towards the group.

 

Since that Saturday at the youth center, Doyoung hasn’t had much opportunities to check on Jeno. They’ll text Kun sometimes, ask how everyone is doing, and she’ll usually know to throw in some more news about Jeno and their progress, a discretion that Doyoung can only be thankful for. They remember well enough what it was like at their age, waving through masses of expectations to find simple happiness in who you are, find what fits you even if no one else agrees.

 

Judging by the way Jeno throws their head back when they laugh, the sun reflecting off their newly bleached blonde hair like a halo, they’re getting there in time.

 

They tap Jeno on the shoulder and are greeted by the brightest smile they’ve ever seen, an image they never want to forget.

 

“You’re here!!”

 

“And you look amazing, my goodness.” Doyoung counters, accepting Jeno’s embrace with open arms.

 

They keep an arm around Jeno as they take everything in , the way their eyes seem much more alive than that day at the center, the obvious thought they’ve put into their outfit, how they keep fiddling with their hair as if it was an anointment, finally defining the inside of the picture they drew that day.

 

They wish they could have gone back to the center since then, circumstances always getting in the way. It’s nice to see that Jeno is out here now, freer and happier, experiencing things they’d probably never dreamt of even just a year ago. Doyoung knows a lot of people here have felt the same, at one moment or another.

 

“This is kind of… My coming out party.” Jeno shies away from the words, keeping their voice soft, and Doyoung draws them in a little bit closer.

 

“It can be if you want it to. This is our day. Your day.”

 

Jeno nods, pulls Doyoung into a real hug this time, face hidden in the crook of Doyoung’s neck. “Thank you.”

 

“Sometimes I feel like I should be the one saying that.” Doyoung responds in kind.

 

Someone sounds an airhorn near them and Jaemin almost jumps out of his skin, Chenle crouching over in laughter as Yixing tries to rally all the kids to his side. Doyoung squeezes Jeno’s shoulder, silent reassurance that they’re right here should Jeno need them, and they let them join their friends. The proximity, the fact that they all came together in the end, reassures Doyoung that the kids’ first Pride will be a memorable one indeed.

  


“Oh my god, when are they going to stop with that.” Sicheng whines at the sound, holding Yuta’s arm in both of theirs.

 

Yuta puffs out her chest. “You need me to kick their ass next time? I’ll do it.”

 

“Yuta you can’t just kick everyone’s ass.” Taeyong interjects, draping an arm over Yuta’s shoulder and hanging there.

 

“Watch me?”

 

“Okay, that’s it, we’re going home.” Doyoung claps their hands over their head and makes a face when both Taeyong and Yuta stick their tongues out at them, though they don’t seem to take offense to it.

 

Someone taps on a microphone, the sound reverberating throughout the street from the speakers.

 

“Hello, can everyone hear me?” a voice says, met with a vague noise of acknowledgement. “Alright! Welcome to Pride, people!”

 

There’s a round of whooping and hollering, people holding up flags and signs and clasped hands.

 

Johnny looks up to where the voice is coming from, and he can’t believe what he sees.

 

“Hold up… Amber?”

 

Ten seems to hear him, even above the speech and the cheers, because he grips Johnny’s hand a little tighter to get his attention. “Wait, when did she come back?”

 

“Is that who you told me about?” Mark perks up, waddling up behind them to try and get a clear view of the scene. “ _The_  Amber?”

 

To say Johnny is incredulous would be an understatement.

 

When he was an overeager freshman with nothing to show for himself aside from his spirit, Amber had been one of the first people to lend him a hand, when they’d bumped into each other in the hallway to the technical studios. The only people there at that hour - Amber was already working on her final project, Johnny wanted to show his best as a first presentation - they’d hit it off right away, two curious minds at work.

 

When Johnny was unsure still of himself and his desires, it was also Amber who’d encouraged him to pursue them. She took him to his first community party, danced around with him until he finally worked up the courage to dance with the boys there instead, cheered him on from the bar with her girlfriend at the time. She was the life coach Johnny had never dared hoping he’d find, and throughout the year, she became more of a sister than a friend, letting him rely on her when he’d needed it.

 

Then when the year ended and she graduated, Amber left to travel the world, and the only connection Johnny had left were postcards scattered across the worn pages of his journal and Skype calls over shitty internet connection, not enough time and too much distance to get the few answers he still needed. He missed being able to call Amber up and show up on her doorstep with takeout and a stack of movies, talk about boy problems that he was actually, in a way, almost happy to have - at least it meant there were boys in his life.

 

When he’d met Ten and his heart decided for him, Amber was the first person he wrote to. She’d missed it by so little that Johnny almost believed she’d sent Ten herself to take care of him. Time passed and Johnny used all his learning and strength to take care of himself and his own, but even though she’s the one returning, seeing Amber up there feels a little like coming home.

 

Right now, she’s standing on the roof of a large van that was turned into a makeshift float, multi colored helium balloons flying from the windows, slogans painted on the windows. The city backdrop suits her, it always has, and she speaks with the same vigor in her tone that Johnny remembers from the years passed.

 

“This has got to be the biggest crowd I’ve seen,” Amber claims from up there, a hand coming up to shield her eyes from the sun as she observes the mass of people. “Any first timers?”

 

There’s a few eruptions of ‘yes’ scattered throughout the mob, smiles creeping up on everyone’s faces around them when Kun and Yixing lead the center’s kids into their own round of cheers.

 

Amber whoops in return, raises an open palm for a metaphorical high five. “Awesome! Remember, march responsibly, and have fun. Let’s get this show on the road!”

 

As soon as Amber is done talking and passes the mic to the over-excited drag queen next to her, Johnny swings nervously from foot to foot. He wishes he would have had some time to prepare, even just a way to say all how much he’d missed her, but instead he chooses to yell out Amber’s name.

 

Amber squints in their general direction and Johnny stretches out on his tiptoes, waving at her.

 

“Babe, you’re already heads and shoulders above all of us, that’s just showing off now.” Ten teases, and he twists a finger between Johnny’s ribs, making him yelp.

 

That’s when Amber spots him, eyes going wide and eyebrows flying up so high they nearly disappear into her hair as she scrambles to get down from the float. She weaves through the crowd easily, waving at some people she must know - Johnny remembers that he was impressed, when they met, at the fact that Amber seems to know just about everyone - and she tackles him with all her might when she gets to the group, arms winding tight around his waist.

 

“Johnny boy! It’s been so long!”

 

Johnny ignores the way Mark snorts at the nickname and hugs Amber back, arms resting on her shoulders and nose nuzzling into her hair. “Yeah, almost two years.”

 

When Amber had finished school and left to travel the world and find more of herself, there was a certain void left in Johnny’s life. The friend that had helped him discover so much of himself was gone, and with her the fragile comfort he’d found in the beginning, away from home and everything he’d ever known.

 

He’d always be grateful, however, for the advice Amber had left him with to try and get out of his own head, or he’d have never talked to Taeil that day as they were waiting in administration, and he would most definitely wouldn’t have known how to approach Ten at the college fair, almost afraid to get burnt. He’s not the one with marks on his skin now, but Ten has seared himself onto his heart just the same.

 

“Feels good to have you back.” Johnny mutters, trying to hold back the tears he feels pricking behind his eyelids.

 

Amber looks up at him, playfully punches his chest. “It’s good to be back. Need some time with my family.”

 

She gestures around the crowd as she says this, and Johnny thinks he couldn’t agree more.

 

“Well your friend looks fun!” Ten points out the same drag queen still hyping up the mob, golden platform boots reflecting the sun and nearly blinding everyone within a five feet radius.

 

Amber laughs, turns around to give them a thumbs up. “Heechul? Yeah, he’s always like that, really. Wouldn’t have him any other way though!”

 

“Oh I love him already.” Ten says, and as if on cue Heechul announces that the march is officially starting, pulling a handful of glitter from his bra and showering himself in it. “Yup, please introduce us later.”

 

“You got it baby boy.” Amber turns to Johnny, gives him a cat-like smile. “So I take it this is your Ten?”

 

The word choice makes a flush creep up Johnny’s spine, only accentuated when Ten exclaims, “Himself, the one and only!” and Amber offers him a quickly-accepted high five.

 

“And you,” Amber points at Mark, who points at himself and draws a collective snicker from his friends. “Must be Mark.”

 

“I don’t know if I should be honored or freaked out that you know who I am.” Mark blushes.

 

Amber grabs him by the shoulders and Johnny remembers the way she’d done that for him too, when he was only half the man Mark is now. “Johnny told me all about you. The little brother, right!”

 

Brother is the right word, in Johnny’s heart and mind. His friendship with Mark had been destined to succeed from the start, like they’d been made from the same maladjusted mold and Johnny wanted to impart some of the wisdom he’d gotten from Amber onto him, to try and make his life a little sweeter. He wasn’t quite as good at it as she was, but things turned out pretty ok in the end.

 

“That’s him.” he says, reaching to mess with Mark’s hair. “Although I fear he’s already surpassed me in all things.”

 

“Then you’ve done a good job.”

 

Maybe that’s true. Although he’d always considered Mark to be perfectly capable of handling himself, Johnny had never been able to stop himself from watching over him, ever since the day Mark had moved into the dorm room next to his and actually knocked on Johnny’s door to introduce himself. He was so innocent and untarnished, and Johnny decided he’d do whatever he could to keep things that way, lead Mark down a path of happiness.

 

“Alright, everyone ready?” Amber asks, rounding up Mark and Ten in her arms.

 

Johnny squints at her, sticks out his bottom lip. “I’m not your favorite man anymore?”

 

“You’ll always be my favorite, Johnny boy.” Amber grins, and Johnny knows deep down, it’s true.

 

___

 

The nearly unbelievable change his life has taken in such a short time is never lost on Jungwoo. Sometimes he feels like only yesterday he was razing the walls of his high school, trying to be as small and unseen as possible, too scared yet to make himself known to the world.

 

Even as he gets used to all of this - the marching and the community and the unsinkable sense of pride he’d been chasing after and finally grasped - his eyes still go wide at the scene.

 

He isn’t surprised that Yukhei feels the same. His curiosity and enthusiasm for nearly everything had been the reason Jungwoo had felt drawn to him in the first place, the way he seems to want to embrace the entire world making him way too endearing, almost irresistible. It’s the same thing now, Yukhei holding Jungwoo’s hand in his and stirring him through the march, loudly cheering at everyone, Kun keeping an eye on him and the other on her kids. She’s always there, steadfast and solid.

 

Suddenly, Jungwoo feels a large hand grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him around, spinning on his heels with little control over his own body. He staggers a little when he stops, gently slapping Yukhei’s hand away. “What is it, Xuxi?”

 

Yukhei’s face is set in an expression that ranges anywhere from surprise to unabashed joy at the float he’s looking right at, loud club music emanating from the speakers on top of the wooden platform. There’s a few scantily clad dancers entertaining the crowd, one of them hunched precariously over the railing and throwing confetti, another with a slogan written on the entirety of his back. Neither of them are who Yukhei is stuck on right now though, and Jungwoo follows his line of sight until he notices.

 

“Woah.”

 

The rest of their group seems to see him too, because Haechan presses their hands on either side of their face, eyes completely lighting up.

 

“Oh , my god.” Yixing clasps a hand over his mouth to try and conceal a smile, but it reaches his eyes in no time.

 

Yukhei bounces up to him. “Hey man, do you know who this is?”

 

The dancer is seemingly unphased by the fact that a group of teenagers and their carers are suddenly staring at him, body swaying to the beat, lean muscles accentuated by the fact that what little clothing he’s wearing is seemingly made entirely of thin, tight leather. Perhaps the most striking thing, though, is that his face is obscured, covered by a finely designed and conceived mask in the shape of a fierce dog’s head. Jungwoo knows his mouth is open and his eyes are blown wide, remembers his mother telling him that it’s rude to stare, but he can’t find any will to tear his gaze away.

 

“So?” Kun elbows Yixing in the ribs, her eyebrows raised in question.

 

“Yes. Yes I know him. Friend from college!”

 

“So it is true that all the gays know all the other gays.” Jisung quips, and Renjun nearly doubles over as he tries to contain his laughter.

 

Yixing walks up to the float, reaches up to tap two fingers against the floorboards. Somehow, it’s enough to get the dancer’s attention, because he crouches down to sit on the edge of the stage, tugging at the mask to remove it.

 

“Hey, pup.” Yixing says when the mask comes off, revealing perhaps one of the most gorgeous humans Jungwoo has ever seen in his life. “Hope you’re not forgetting to drink your water again.”

 

The dancer makes a face, points to the cooler sitting in the corner. “I’m not, _daddy_.”

 

“Good.” Yixing turns to the group, and Jungwoo feels almost offended at how pointed the look he receives is. “This is Jongin, we had some fun times in college, but now he’s definitely the one having the most fun. Right pup?”

 

“Well, it’s not like I didn’t offer!” Jongin slouches over Yixing’s shoulders, “and don’t use my real name, you’re going to blow my cover.”

 

“I thought the other name was reserved for the bedroom.”

 

Jongin pouts, cinches his legs around Yixing’s chest. “Where I’m still waiting for you!”

 

From the corner of his eye, Jungwoo sees Kun covering Jisung’s ears with her hands and asking Yukhei to do the same for Chenle, but they end up not having to do it at all when Yixing detangles himself from his friend, Jongin offering his head to be petted before he waves goodbye and pulls his mask back on. Jungwoo isn’t sure why, but the knowledge that perfect, put together Yixing really is just like all of them, part of this same community, with the same wide variety of friends, fills him with hope.

 

“Have fun!!” he yells at Jongin, who waves at him and skips to the other end of the stage.

 

“This is the best day of my life.” Yukhei drops, voice surprisingly flat if only for the fact that when Jungwoo looks at him, he’s got a look on his face like he just discovered a new planet, disbelief and joy dancing around his mind.

 

Jungwoo thinks back on their conversations, shared experiences of feeling so small and alone in the world, and he takes Yukhei’s hand in his, determined to never, ever let that feeling return. They’ll replace it with better ones, and Jungwoo thinks this is as good a way to start as any.

 

He pushes himself up on his tiptoes, gives Yukhei a kiss on the cheek. “Let’s enjoy it then!”

 

Kun gives the two of them an amused thumbs up before she turns to her group, helps Haechan readjust the flag they’ve tied around their neck as a cape. They’re all in good hands, with each other.

  


___

 

 

Looking around at the crowd, Jaehyun sees so many faces he wants to capture that he almost goes dizzy with it.

 

Seeing things through his camera has always made them clearer, even his own image that gets so distorted in the mirror coming out at least decent, on most days, when he manages to get his mind into shape. In pictures, the moment is still, memories in full color that he cherishes more than anything. If there’s ever been a place to make memories, this would be it, right now.

 

He’s snapped a few shots of Doyoung already, impassioned and beautiful as ever, guiding Jeno through the march and the chants, an arm around the younger’s shoulder. It’s this instinct of protection, this way Doyoung has of nurturing the good they see in people, that had drawn Jaehyun in, left him comfortable enough to place himself in Doyoung’s hands, to let them pick him up when the going gets rough. Jaehyun knows he can trust them when he doesn’t trust himself, to always say exactly what he needs to hear. Even when it’s not what he wants, he takes it to heart and never forgets.

 

All around now, there are people like Doyoung, like Jeno, and like him. Inhibitions are thrown out the window even if just for a little while, bodies on full display and in motion, no one letting themselves be silenced anymore.

 

Yet, no one catches his attention quite like the small child looking over a broad shoulder in front of him. She can’t be over a year and a half, clinging to her parent with all the might she can muster, eyes wide with wonder at the scene. Jaehyun wants to keep her innocence in this moment, so she never has to see the hurt her parents went through to bring her into the world. He wants to remember this, and them, and so his feet carry him the rest of the way, tapping the child’s parent on the other shoulder.

 

He’s definitely younger than Jaehyun expected, soft features belying his sharp gaze that makes Jaehyun recoil just a little before the man smiles. “Yes?”

 

Jaehyun fumbles with his camera for a moment, holding it up to his face. He feels a hot current running up his spine and spreading through his cheeks, but the warmth isn’t uncomfortable and so he welcomes it, trying to find the right words.

 

“I’m- erm. I was wondering if I could take your picture?” Oh, god. “You and your family… I want to show the diversity of Pride, y’know? Um…”

 

“Sure.” the man replies with another smiles, tugging at his partner’s shirt to grab his attention.

 

Walking like this, they’re the picture perfect family, two loving parents and perfect child, and Jaehyun feels a pang of sadness in his stomach knowing that not everyone thinks they’re as beautiful as he does.

 

The man looks around for a second, and seems to spot something in the distance. “Should we go over there? We wouldn’t want to bother the others who are marching.”

 

Jaehyun swallows hard, nerves knotting up in his gut when the two start walking towards a bench a little ways off the street, baby in tow. Still, he follows them there, checking the settings on his camera before setting his bag on the ground.

 

Looking over at the three of them, these two parents who look so much like they have their life together, crisp and clean and perfect, and their child, a miracle in herself, Jaehyun tries to picture himself there, maybe someday, maybe with Doyoung, a future that seems so far away for him and his friends as they try to navigate their own complicated presents. From behind his camera, at least, there’s a sense of security in the images he captures, like no one can take them away once they’re immortalized.

 

“Is it your first Pride?” the man holding the child asks, setting her down on his knee.

 

“Nah. First time doing this, though.”

 

The other man lets out a pleased sigh, leaning back against the bench. “Do you remember our first pride?”

 

“I mostly remember your hair,” his partner replies, grinning as he does. “Thank god that’s behind us.”

 

“I thought we agreed to never speak of it again. Pretty sure it was in our vows.”

 

Jaehyun envies their banter, still alive after seemingly so many years together. They seem to remember he’s there and notice he’s watching, because they beckon him closer, and he curses himself for being so obviously nervous.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

Even after so many months, he still gets a kick out of saying it. “Jaehyun.”

 

“Cute. I’m Changmin, this is my main squeeze Yunho,” the man says, gesturing next to him and yelping when his hand gets gently slapped away. “And this is our angel, Somi.”

 

As if on cue, the child turns her eyes to Jaehyun, as if trying to size him up. It’s more intimidating than it should be, and Jaehyun doesn’t realize he’s physically backing away until Yunho laughs and gently ruffles his daughter’s hair.

 

“She’s a little terror, isn’t she.” he huffs out, letting Somi hold on to his pinky finger. “Takes after her father!”

 

He gives Changmin a pointed look at that, the two of them making faces at each other for a second before bursting out laughing, Changmin trying to coddle Somi into taking his side. “Can you believe I’ve been putting up with him for fifteen years?”

 

“Woah.”

 

Jaehyun hears himself say it and blushes. Right now, he doesn’t even know where he’ll be in five years, let alone fifteen. The idea of finding someone who will love him for that long, the budding hope that Doyoung might be that person, feel a little bit more valid as he watches the couple in front of him.

 

“Yep. Met in high school… Never let go.” Yunho smiles, entwines his fingers with Changmin’s.

 

“Time goes by so fast, you won’t even realize it.” Changmin finishes for him, pressing a kiss to Yunho’s knuckles.

 

He stays silent for a moment, eyes scanning over the crowd. If Jaehyun hadn’t just met him today, he’d almost wonder what memory they bring up in him. But just the thought of it feels intrusive, so he lets Changmin have his moment, doesn’t miss how his arm tightens just a little around his daughter.

 

“How old is she?” he asks tentatively, crouching to wave hello to the little girl.

 

Changmin scrunches up his nose, encourages Somi to wave back. “Just about… Eighteen months. God, that also went by much too quick.”

 

“It feels like just yesterday we were hesitating to even have children.” Yunho chimes in, smoothing Somi’s hair in place on top of her head.

 

“It wasn’t easy… We weren’t even sure we’d be able to conceive at first.” Changmin adds, a hand over his stomach. “But a few hospital visits and invasive procedures later, she was on her way.”

 

“And then I didn’t hear the end of it for nine months.” Yunho quips, playfully rolling his eyes.

 

“Don’t ruin my moment!” False outrage colors Changmin’s voice as he tries to pinch Yunho’s ear.

 

There’s not an ounce of bitterness or pretending in either of them, and Jaehyun realizes this is the image he’s been waiting for. Silently, he raises his camera up to his face, shutter clicking two, three times, stilling this moment in time, the smiles on Yunho and Changmin’s faces, little Somi clinging to the front of her dad’s shirt, family through and through.

 

Yunho notices him first and smiles, lets Jaehyun get a few more shots in before he can notice that the march has moved along and his friends are nowhere to be seen anymore.

 

“Hey, sorry, I’m going to try and catch up with my group,” Jaehyun starts, fumbling in his bag for a notepad. “Can you maybe give me your email? I’ll send you the pictures once I’m done going through them, if you want, I mean, um…”

 

Changmin takes the notepad and pen from him, scribbles some words down. “Here you go. Don’t sweat it, I’m sure they’ll come out great.”

 

“Thank you for asking us.” Yunho says, extending a hand to Jaehyun. “It’s nice to know our little family is visible.”

 

Jaehyun shakes his hand, tries to calm the tremor going through his body as he does. Chance meetings like this don’t happen often, he thinks, but they’ve happened enough for him over the course of the past year or so that he believes maybe, this is fate.

 

When Jaehyun catches up to them, Doyoung is in heated discussion with Kun’s friend Joohyun, so Sicheng grabs him by the arm and pulls him to their side instead.

 

“Got what you were looking for, reporter?”

 

Jaehyun brandishes his camera with a smile. “More than that.”

 

For quite some time, Sicheng had never liked seeing themselves in pictures. They’d never really been able to pinpoint why, although the disconnect between their own eyes in the mirror and someone else’s lens definitely had something to do with it. Jaehyun’s pictures, for some reason, are different. They never mind letting him into their space, and they know that anyone he photographs comes out looking their best self in the end. Maybe it’s because his heart doesn’t know how to see anything but the good in people, and though Sicheng worries sometimes, they’re thankful for it.

 

“That’s good then,” they say, readjusting their bag. “Say, do you mind taking a picture of me after the march ends? I worked hard on this outfit.”

 

They give a complimentary twirl, and to their confused delight, Jaehyun mimics a paparazzi.

 

“So I want to put it in my portfolio.”

 

Jaehyun smiles, dimpled and adorable, making Sicheng wonder if he is even aware of the joy he brings to people’s lives. “Sure thing. Find me the nicest setting you can.”

 

“You don’t need a nice setting, I’m the star attraction!” Sicheng tries to act offended, puts Jaehyun in a headlock, but they’re already thinking of how nice the park that the march is scheduled to end at is, how pretty they’ll look against the green grass and the setting sun.

 

“You spend too much time with Yuta.” Kun lightly scolds, hands passing from shoulder to shoulder as she helps the teens fall back in line too.

 

“I learned everything from them, actually.” Yuta chimes in, pulling Sicheng close and sticking her tongue out at Kun. “Anyway, are you going to introduce us, or do we have to make the trek to the center too?”

 

Kun cocks her head to the side in pretend thought. “You know what, I should make you do that.” she says, breaking her facade when Yuta slumps against Sicheng’s shoulder. “But yes, finally out of the center and onto the street…”

 

“I’m Haechan!” They push their way past Kun, planting their feet firmly on the ground in front of Sicheng. Looking at the youngster, it’s obvious they’ve put thought and care into how they look today, and Sicheng even spots a glint of gold of their eyelids.

 

They know Pride isn’t a fashion show, but feel happy anyway that even younger people feel free and brave enough to show themselves however they want. When Kun introduces Jaemin last, the boy looks around and over Sicheng’s head, looking for someone.

 

“Jaemin!!” Taeyong’s voice comes from the row behind, their hand flailing wildly in the air. “I’ve been looking for you all day!”

 

“Well _someone_ decided to spend their entire afternoon with Seulgi, so-” Yuta starts, interrupting herself when Jaemin rushes past and almost jumps in Taeyong’s arms.

 

Sicheng remembers the night Taeyong had spent with them and Yuta, after their visit to the center, how they’d recalled their fortunate meeting. They’d never been one to believe in fate, Sicheng knows this much, not with how much they’d always struggled to keep a tight control over their own life, but the way they spoke about Jaemin made it clear that it was somehow meant to be. It had been the first time in a while that Taeyong let themself open up like that, and Sicheng had been curious to meet Jaemin ever since.

 

“This is so amazing, I don’t even have words.” Jaemin says, letting Taeyong hold him by the arms to get a good look. “I didn’t know if I could just go like this…”

 

Jaemin gestures at his own chest, and something tightens in Sicheng’s.

 

“But then I remembered it doesn’t make me any less of a man. Any less who I am.”

 

Taeyong’s smile then reaches their eyes, bright and earnest. “That’s my boy.”

 

“You’re really working magic with those kids.” Sicheng leans in to tell Kun, gives her an appreciative look. They’ll never stop wondering whether Kun actually realizes how much she’s helped all of them.

 

She shakes her head, slings an arm around Renjun’s shoulder. “It’s already in them. It always was.”

 

After all the time they’ve spent navigating the ins and outs of their friends’ minds, weaving their lives together, Sicheng is more than willing to believe that.

 

From where they’re walking now, a little ways behind the front of the march they can see the city hall, historic ending point of their rally, and they tuck themself under Yuta’s arm. “Carry me there?”

 

Yuta doesn’t need to be told twice, hoisting Sicheng up in her arms and yelling at the mass of attendees to make way, jokingly pushing Taeyong with her shoulder and yelping when they catch her and plant a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

 

 

 

Kun just watches them go. She knows they’re probably the likeliest to get in trouble right now, but also that they’re good at stopping each other should that happen. She scoffs at the little bows Yuta takes, Sicheng still in her arms, when they accidentally bump into someone, follows them as much as she can before they disappear into the fold.

 

Eventually the whole assembly floods the park in front of the building, green grass colored in the most beautiful array of colors Kun has ever seen. Floats circle around it, coming to a stop to finally let the performers rest, flags still floating in the easy breeze.

 

A man appears up on the main float, and a murmur courses through the crowd, getting louder and louder until the apparition waves, a wide grin etching across his face as he takes in the magnitude of the event, the colorful sea of people greeting him.

 

“Oh my god, it’s the president!” Ten exclaims, eliciting a few snorts from Johnny and Taeyong while Doyoung drags a hand across their face.

 

“Don’t you wish that were the case.” they say, their attention pulled by Jeno and Chenle asking who the man is.

 

Doyoung beams at the both of them, points at the float. “That is Mr Hong Seok Cheon. He’s a very, very important person in our community.” they inform, and Kun notices that Doyoung can’t hold back a smile when Chenle vigorously nods. “You should listen carefully to what he has to say. You’ll learn a great deal from him.”

 

“How come you’re never this nice to us?” Ten inquires, faking hurt with a comical drawl in his tone.

 

“Because you’re perfectly capable of learning this on your own.” Doyoung retorts without hesitation, Jaehyun nearly choking on his water next to them.

 

Ten mimics being shot through the heart, stumbles a few steps towards Johnny before slumping in his boyfriend’s arms. Doyoung tries to pay them no mind but they still stifle a laugh, nudging Jaehyun to make him put his camera down, and gesturing for everyone to listen.

 

Up on the float, Hong Seok Cheon smiles into the microphone, sends out a few hello’s and hi’s to individuals who yell out his name. When the movement dies down and everyone is ready to listen, he speaks in earnest.

 

“There’s a big yet sometimes indiscernible difference between fighting against something and fighting for something. And yet, one cannot exist without the other.” he says, his voice calm over an ocean of cheers.

 

Kun feels a hand slip in hers, snaps her head around to find Ten smiling at her, a knowing look on his face.

 

“For everyone of us that fights against hatred and inequality,” Hong continues, pacing around the stage, his hand hovering over the crowd. “There is someone who fights for our youth, for our future.”

 

From where she’s standing just a few steps behind them, Kun can see her beloved kids huddle closer together and to their seniors, Doyoung playfully ruffling Jeno’s hair, and she reaches a hand out to touch Chenle’s shoulder. They bring their own up to meet her, a simple touch that means more than Kun could ever say. Next to her, she feels Ten shift, lean into Johnny’s embrace on his other side.

 

They may not always be on the same page, his revolutionary ways clashing with her nurturing nature sometimes, but she cannot deny that in her life, Ten is a beacon of hope like few she’s ever met. She doesn’t think it’s pretentious, so much as written on his face and conveyed in the way his hand squeezes hers, to say she knows he feels the same way about her.

 

“Whatever your reason for fighting may be, you belong here. We all belong here.”

 

As she looks around at the friends she’s made, the people she loves, Kun realizes that these words have never rang more true for her. She’d spent so much of her life feeling like she didn’t even belong in her own skin, like some mistake had been made, like she would never find a place where she could simply be, exist in peace with the world and with herself. Her fears and her doubts had been validated too many times to count, uneasiness seeping and settling into her bones anywhere she went. Too often, she’d tried to make herself small and unseen. It never worked, of course not.

 

But that doesn’t matter now.

 

What matters is this, Ten’s hand in hers, the kids cheering and hollering like there’s nothing and no one in the world that can silence them, Doyoung hugging Jaehyun from behind as he takes pictures, how Yukhei and Jungwoo are pressed against each other, living, breathing proof that there is still some tenderness left in the world. What matters is that when Kun looks down the row at Yuta and Taeyong, they each have an arm around Sicheng and all three are smiling, worries and anger left behind, at peace for a while. It’s that she can spot Mark on Johnny’s other side, in full bloom. Kun would do anything to make it last.

 

After the struggles, after the pain, even for one day, all that matters is that they have each other to belong with. Kun knows that life won’t always be like today, she’s resolved herself to it a long time ago already. But that won’t stop her from holding on to these precious moments, to the family she’s found along the way.

 

“Today is a day of celebration above all else. But I’d wager we should celebrate ourselves and each other everyday.” Hong waves a hand over the crowd and smiles.

 

At her side, Kun can hear Ten resolutely agree under his breath.

 

“We’ve come a long way, and we still have a long way to go. Keep helping each other. Keep supporting each other. Keep lifting each other up.” He punctuates each word with a swift motion of his fist towards the sky, many people in the crowd replying in kind. “We are all going to a better world. Happy Pride, everybody.”

 

Kun lets herself drown in the sound for a moment, the crowd becoming a blur of color and feelings around her. It’s Taeil that eventually pulls her back to reality, settling a hand between her shoulders.

 

“Feeling okay?”

 

Kun takes a deep breath, tries to still herself in the moment. “Yeah. Just happy to be here, don’t really…” she curls her hand over Taeil’s hip, suddenly emboldened by the noise. “Happy to be here.”

 

Taeil pulls her in, bodies fitting together like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “I’m happy you’re here too.”

 

Kissing Taeil like this, too, is easy. Their lips are like the edge of a new world, soft and inviting, and Kun kisses back with all her might, fingers winding in the soft fabric of Taeil’s top to get closer, finding new feelings as they move together. Kun isn’t use to this being so easy, but she relishes in it just the same, keeping her forehead against Taeil’s when they break apart.

 

“Hey, say…” Kun starts, and Taeil brushes a finger against her jaw.

 

To hell with doubt. This isn’t the day to let the world get to you.

 

“Do you want to make this official?” she asks, the words running out of her mouth faster than she anticipated.

 

Taeil rocks back on their heels, but they keep an arm around her waist.

 

“Oh?”

 

“I know we said we’d just let things happen but… I think I want to take the reins now.”

 

Kun feels her heart climbing in her throat, but she feels good about this even though she’s unsure as she’s ever been. Either way this goes, she’ll have tried, and that’s more than she can say for so many of the other relationships she was too afraid to pursue, when her mind wasn’t in the right place.

 

She’s not sure what to expect when Taeil looks at her, their eyes piercing through her like that first night at dinner.

 

“I thought you’d never ask.”

 

In the moment, Kun feels her jaw almost dropping. She stares at Taeil for a second too long, probably, because they take her hand and squeeze it, as if trying to reassure her. The reply is so typical of Taeil and yet, Kun can’t quite believe it.

 

“You… Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.” Taeil doesn’t hesitate, props their arms up on Kun’s shoulders. “Let’s make this happen.”

 

The kiss that follows seals everything for Kun. She’s never thought this kind of happiness would come to her, but now she is ready to embrace it, make it hers after it escaped for so long. She hears Chenle’s familiar shriek, figures that the kids must have turned around just in time, and sure enough, it’s followed by a round of sweet applause, Taeil smiling against her lips as they notice too.

 

When she looks over at them, Kun sees Yixing, arms crossed over his chest and a smirk on his face, though there’s nothing but good intentions behind it. For all his teasing, he was right about this one thing, and Kun makes a note to thank him for the much needed push.

 

“Alright, you all owe me a drink then!” Yuta announces to whoever will listen. “Kun, Taeil… Congratulations, you legends.”

 

As dusk settles all around them, Kun can’t even find it in herself to be anything but amused at the apparent bet on her and Taeil’s love lives, and she simply pinches Yuta’s ear and sends her laughing to Sicheng.

  


Night falls on the park where everyone has gathered, floats lined around it like a barrier, protecting all the people there. Someone has set up speakers to inundate everyone with some catchy, popular tunes, and Kun leave the kids to dance with Taeyong as she sits against Taeil’s side, content and peaceful after the long day they’ve all had.

 

Next to her, she sees Johnny wave to someone, recognizes the woman they’d met earlier in the day. She saunters to their spot, dropping unceremoniously next to Johnny and immediately kicking off her shoes.

 

“Well that’s another awesome march for the books!” Amber exclaims, leaning back against Johnny. “How are you all feeling?”

 

“Honestly,” Ten chimes, picking at some blades of grass, “I could go for another right about now!”

 

There’s a vague groan that comes from the group, Johnny tucking Ten under his arm and keeping him there. “You people are no fun.” Ten whines, liking his fingers with Johnny’s, but he still stays put, eyes getting lost on the crowd still very much present.

 

“Johnny.” Amber’s tone is stern, almost too much to take seriously. “If you do not marry this man, I’ll disown you.”

 

“You can have him!” Johnny spits out, the look on his face telling everyone that he didn’t think this through.

 

It only makes Amber completely break her facade, holding her sides as she tries to sit upright. “Now, you know that’s the one thing we’ll never have in common.” she clasps a hand on Johnny’s shoulder, fishes her phone out of her pocket with the other. “I will ask Luna how she feels about adopting, though!”

 

“Looks like we have more important things to talk about than my love life then!” there’s urgency in Johnny’s voice, made only worse by the fact that Ten decides to climb in his lap and pester him about all of it.

 

Amber lets out a shrieking laugh, clapping in delight at her own mischief. “Come on, relax. Introduce me to your friends!”

 

The speed at which Johnny goes around their little circle would be almost uncomfortable if the flush in his cheeks didn’t make it hilarious, Amber shaking hands and repeating everyone’s name as they’re introduced. She stops for a moment with Kun’s hand still in hers, gives her a wink and a nod.

 

“I saw you two earlier. Congrats.” she says, sitting back and looking at Kun and Taeil with a satisfied look on her face, like she takes some kind of joy back for herself from seeing her people love each other freely.

 

“Thank you.” Kun replies softly, holding Taeil’s hand a little tighter.

 

There’s something oddly soothing about simply being recognized like that, even though Kun knew this was the likeliest place for it to happen. Maybe it’s because it’s Amber, and she’s everything Kun hoped to be when she was younger, before she truly found herself. Maybe because it’s validation from her own, because Amber doesn’t ask any questions and simply sees Kun as who she is, accepts her with no conditions. It feels like the first time she’s been acknowledged like this by another woman, and Kun can only hope from today, it won’t be the last.

 

“You all have to tell me like… Everything I missed. I didn’t realize how long two years is until I came back and Yixing had adopted six kids.” Amber leans back, propping herself up on her elbows. She furrows her brows, looks at Kun like realization is washing over her. “Wait. You’re Kun?!”

 

She presses her palm to her forehead, eyes screwed shut. Kun assumes she must have met up with Yixing before Pride, that maybe Amber was another of his college friends. The similarities between them and her own isn’t lost on Kun, and she nods to the question. “Yep, the same.”

 

“The only.” Taeil mutters next to her. It lodges itself in Kun’s heart like a new seed.

 

“Okay, now you really have to tell me everything.” Amber shuffles closer, nearly pushing Johnny out of the way.

 

“Alright,” Ten claps once, twice, and stands up, offering a hand to Johnny. “We’ll leave you to your conversation then.”

 

“You’re leaving already?” Amber pleads, sticking her bottom lip out.

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll have time to catch up. I’ll tell you all the stuff this one doesn’t want you to know.” Ten jabs a thumb in Johnny’s direction, yelps when his boyfriend picks him up and feigns throwing him over his shoulder. “But I actually had some plans.”

 

He winks and Amber mimics catching it, puts it in her pocket for good luck.

 

“Enjoy your night, boys.”

 

 

___

 

 

That was the plan from the beginning.

 

Ten leads Johnny through busy streets, onto the bus to his apartment building, gets to the door with a spring in his step. He’s wanted to make the whole day special from the start, and sharing a special moment with the man who has his heart was always part of the plan. As much as Ten loves the feeling of being surrounded by his own, the maddening crowd that pushes him further, there’s nothing quite like this, like Johnny’s hand in his as they climb up the staircase, the way he gets in Ten’s atmosphere, his warmth all-enveloping as Ten unlocks the door.

 

“I just need a few things…” Ten comments, grabbing his extra blanket from under his bed and throwing it in Johnny’s arms along with their pillows.

 

Johnny looks at him, inquisitive, from the doorstep. “What’s this about now.”

 

“Just wait and see!” Ten replies from where here’s crouched in front of his desk, retrieves a small box with a triumphant yelp. “There we go!”

 

He holds up his hands to Johnny, unable to stop the smile that’s taking over his face. Getting a hold of the stuff had been harder than expected, but he’d pulled a few strings and managed to get what he needed. Johnny cocks an eyebrow at him, examining the small, rolled up object from afar.

 

“Well then.”

 

“For memories’ sake?” Ten coos, shoving the lighter in his pocket and leading Johnny out the door. “Let’s go to the roof.”

 

“Oh so we’re doing this.” Johnny says, not quite a question, and he still follows Ten up to the fire escape.

 

Ten pulls him up the remaining stairs, steals a quick kiss in the movement. “Come on. Let me get you out of your mind.”

 

He grabs Johnny by the wrist, tempted to remind him he’d been the first to introduce pot into the already confusing and explosive mix of their relationship, that one night after Ten’s sophomore showcase when they’d both felt on top of the world.

 

“I’m not even going to ask how you got this,” Johnny sighs, setting up the blanket and pillows on the roof without needing to be asked. “But it has been a while.”

 

“Just trust me.”

 

Ten settles against the soft material, legs crossed, and beckons Johnny to come to him. He does without a word, letting Ten sit between his legs, his back to Johnny’s chest. The first flash of the lighter illuminates Ten’s soft features, and though it takes a few tries, the joint finally comes alight, smoke wafting up into the air.

 

Ten exhales, lets his head fall back against Johnny’s shoulder. “There we go.”

 

He twists his body to kiss Johnny before handing him the stick, eyes straining on the curve of Johnny’s lips as he takes a drag, on the way they part ever so slightly as white wisps escape them. He’s never been so entranced with another person before, and even as days pass, Ten doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of everything that makes Johnny who he is.

 

“You’re not going to cry again, are you.” Johnny asks, and Ten feels a flush creep up his neck at the realization that he’s been caught staring.

 

“If you don’t fall asleep, then.”

 

Minutes pass and the joint becomes ashes in their hands, Johnny tracing idle patterns on Ten’s shoulders and chest under his shirt with the tips of his fingers. Ten welcomes them, tries to coordinate their frequency with the familiar thumping of blood in his brain and in his heart, completely relaxed in Johnny’s arms. Truly, even if the march was everything he thrives in, Ten can't think of anywhere better to end the day.

 

“Hey.” Johnny taps him on the shoulder. “Hey.”

 

It takes a few long seconds for Ten to respond, barely realizing that the languid feeling of Johnny’s digits on his skin has vanished. “Mhm?”

 

“Finish together?” Johnny mumbles, and Ten can’t help the disgraceful noise he makes in the back of his throat.

 

“That would be the first time.”

 

He still shifts over on his side to face Johnny easier, watches, almost hypnotized, as his boyfriend places the still lit up joint backwards between his teeth as carefully as he can - he’d almost burned the skin off his top lip the first time, something Ten almost regrets not letting him forget - and brings a hand to the nape of Ten’s neck, pulling him in close.

 

The last of the smoke always burns the back of his throat, but Ten takes it in stride when his mouth meets Johnny’s, the grip on his neck tight enough to make him dizzy. He fists a hand in the front of Johnny’s shirt, inhaling as much as he can until it gets too much for either of them, fire dying between their lips.

 

The stub is abandoned somewhere in a tissue, and the cloud that gathers up around them feels enough to hide them from the world and Ten brings a hand to Johnny’s face, kisses him as the world spins mercilessly. There isn’t anywhere else he’d rather be.

 

Johnny lets himself fall back, opens his arms for Ten to come settle on his chest. It doesn’t take much more for Ten to close his eyes, and though he never planned on sleeping, it catches up to him regardless.

  


When he opens his eyes, Ten shivers, tries to wrap the blanket around him before remembering it’s stuck under both of their bodies. The pull is enough to wake Johnny up, snapping him out of his daze, heavy lidded eyes searching for Ten against the expanse of the cityscape.

 

“Talk about impromptu.” he says, voice low and hoarse, grabbing blindly for the bags left abandoned next to them. Ten knows the water left in there is probably lukewarm and terrible, but he still takes a swig when Johnny hands it to him. Better than nothing, he supposes, and his body welcomes it either way.

 

He lies back, the concrete not seeming so cold and unfeeling against his body as Johnny curls up at his side, presses a kiss to his temple.

 

“It’s already dawn.” Ten remarks, but he doesn’t make any effort to move.

 

“Good morning starshine,” Johnny mutters against his skin. Ten huffs at the dated reference, at how in love he is with the only man he knows who could possibly pull it off. “The earth says hello.”

 

The remaining visible stars blur together with the morning sun, and for a rare moment, Ten feels safe and content in the knowledge that somewhere, not far from here, or across the city, there are people like him who also get to feel this easy sort of happiness. He thinks of his friends, of everything they endure, and is grateful that none of them have to go through it alone.

 

Even as sleep curls around his exhausted mind again, Ten knows that on the horizon, a new day is rising for all of them. And although he doesn’t know yet how it’ll go, the fact that it came is enough for now.

**Author's Note:**

> for clarifiction in case anyone was confused: yes changmin is a trans man in this, yes he carried baby somi to term :)
> 
> \- thank you to EVERYONE; truly, who has read this series and given it love. it makes me feel so, so happy when people leave comments telling me they feel represented and uplifted by my work, i cant even find the right words (ironic i know).
> 
> i started this as a way to let out some headcanons i had and it turned into something else that i didn't really anticipate, but i've loved writing every single word of it and creating my own little universe. i'm really happy i wrote that first fic, and i can't believe it's already been two months. this is a special chapter dedicated to everyone who's given love to this story and the gang, thank you so much. and if it's your first time, welcome! either way, i wanted to say from the bottom of my heart: happy pride month!
> 
> shout-out to dylan for encouraging me so much as i wrote this & also for proofreading/beta-ing it. thank you, as always, to him, to bru & to ricki for enabling so many of these shenanigans.
> 
> find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/diaminghao) if you want to chat!!
> 
> until next time, cya!


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